I’m the Mayor of Should-ville

It isn’t an honorific that I’m glad to claim nor one that I would encourage anyone I care about to covet. I know you’ve visited Should-ville. It’s where everything you think or say to yourself opens as “I should…”

Should-ville sucks. Visiting — or worse, living there! — undermines your efforts to actually DO anything worthwhile or productive. In Should-ville, you end up daydreaming of all kinds of things you SHOULD do without ever taking any real action. Rather than feeling empowered and excited about the possibilities you put before yourself, you end up feeling defeated and purposeless.

Think about it. How many times have you said to yourself “I should exercise,” but didn’t do it, and then felt like a slug. Or “I should take more time for myself,” but never got around to it, and then took out your frustration on those around you. You probably have a top “should” statement. Currently, “I should take more time to meditate and just ‘be’” is at the top of my list. Am I actually doing it? No.

I’ve come to a decision today that I happily announce to the Universe. Effective immediately I abdicate my mayoral position of Should-ville. No longer will I visit, check in or even Mapquest Should-ville. I officially abandon Should-ville and all statements or “I should” and plan to replace them with thoughts and sentiments that open with “I am..,” “I will..,” or “I have…”

Would you like to abandon Should-ville and come along?

I Am a Wayward Child

Or so I was told via my grandmother, who’s on the other side now. It’s time I pulled my share of the maternal line and get on with being the kind of mother my daughters must have…NOW.

I’ve worked so long and so hard to be “successful” in the world, i.e. earning a decent salary, working a great job, volunteering through leadership positions and so on. That’s all well and good and had its purpose.

The Universe pushed me to change my reality, so no more Big Job, Big Money, Big Ego.

The focus of my new reality is my daughters and rearing them to be “that kind of woman”. You know the type: compassionate, kind and connected but also opinionated, strong and determined. To get them there will require a lot of energy, patience and butt-kicking from me. You see, they have mouths and attitudes, and they know how to use them…and they tend to use them for less-than-good purposes, like sassing back to me or wallowing in selfishness.

Yes, it’s part of their natural process of testing boundaries, identifying where I end and they begin, and creating their own identities. But it’s my job as their mom to be firm with those boundaries and rein the girls in when necessary.

I’ve been a wayward child for too long. I need to do my best to keep my girls from become wayward as well. So here I plunge headlong into motherhood with renewed purpose. May God and Goddess help me.

Hello, Tuesday. Why do you look like Monday?

My Tuesday has shown up disguised as a Monday. That bites. A water main broke this morning, so the utility shut off the water. It’s not expected back on until noon. So, I had to reschedule a meeting with a potential client since I’m not fit for public exposure just yet. You can’t meet someone you’re hoping to get to work with if your hair is beyond ponytail redemption.

Add to that a mean case of heartburn that came between me and my coffee. I know you know how miserable a morning can be without caffeine.

To top it off, the dog tore up a window screen and threw up on the carpet…twice.

So in the midst of this, I’m trying to focus on my goal of living an authentic life. The day has brought authentic routine chaos. Guess I should be a bit more specific in what kind of authenticity I’m going for.